Ocean jokes

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

Why do dolphins live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.

Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"

What’s a bird’s favorite movie?

The Parrots of the Caribbean.

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.

Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.

Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.

Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.

Why did the shark spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny!

Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.

Which fish is the most famous?

The star fish!

What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?

"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"

What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.

When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.

The "W" in Africa stands for water.

Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?

Because he was standing on the deck!