Ocean jokes
People in 1912: The Titanic is unsinkable!
Iceberg: Hold my beer.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Yo mama so fat!
She sunk the Titanic. She put on a blue coat and they thought she was an iceberg!
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
What did the captain of the Titanic do before the Titanic sunk?
He nominated everyone for the ice bucket awards.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
What happens when water loses its bottom jaw?
It had a hurt o-chin (ocean)!
What’s bin Laden got in common with SpongeBob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, and they’re filled with holes.
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.
Why do high tides come up so high?
Because they come up to say hi.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What is the biggest butt in the world?
The bottom of the ocean.
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
What do sharks and humans have alike? The great white one.
What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?
The lobsters in the kitchen.
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.