Ocean jokes

Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW

What is a pirate's favorite element?

Argon.

Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.

What do sheep wear to the beach?

A baa-kini.

A wild Iceberg appears. Go Titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt. The attack misses. Titanic faints.

Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.

Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.

Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!

Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?

I heard it was because of pier pressure.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

Fishermen are the best at networking.

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

Why did the octopus cross the road?

To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙

What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?

"Sandy cheeks."

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.

We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!