I love my family.
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.
What is the difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.
What is a nut that does magic?
A human that can turn into a nut!
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
What nut is broken? A silly nut!
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.
What is a dog 🐶? A pet
What is a good nut?
A magic nut!
Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.
What is a magic car? One that flies!
What is a dog 🐕.? An animal 🦓
What is the difference between a human and a can? A human can walk and a can can not walk
I have special needs, and I was born with it.
What is a nut that is in outer space?
A broken nut.
There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
What is your favorite time of day?
What is a nut that says, "What is your favorite name?"
A magic nut.
