Now jokes

A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.

I don't have any now.

What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?

"Now sashimi, now you don't!"

A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.

The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!

Friend 1: I HATE YOU!

Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!

Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*

Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.

All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*

Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

A child's parents once lived in Chicago.

I wonder why he's in an orphanage now.

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

Jorden Calerendiá.

I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.

There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.

Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...

Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.

Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?

Diabetes.

"White on white crime, well ham rights crime anyway in Eastern Europe right now!"

Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!

I swear your eyebrows have attachment issues, they're touching right now.

Why didn’t the orphan play baseball?

Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they can’t run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

I adopted you. Now say goodbye, you missed your Spanish lesson...

Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”