Now jokes

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?

Diabetes.

"White on white crime, well ham rights crime anyway in Eastern Europe right now!"

Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!

I swear your eyebrows have attachment issues, they're touching right now.

Why didn’t the orphan play baseball?

Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they can’t run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.

Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

Jorden Calerendiá.

I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.

Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.

I adopted you. Now say goodbye, you missed your Spanish lesson...

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.

He's now my sister.

Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”

BREAKING NEWS

All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.

The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.

A child's parents once lived in Chicago.

I wonder why he's in an orphanage now.

Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.