Now jokes

A child's parents once lived in Chicago.

I wonder why he's in an orphanage now.

BREAKING NEWS

All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.

The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.

We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.

Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...

Why didn’t the orphan play baseball?

Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they can’t run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!

I swear your eyebrows have attachment issues, they're touching right now.

Jorden Calerendiá.

I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.

"White on white crime, well ham rights crime anyway in Eastern Europe right now!"

I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”

He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.

He's now my sister.

I adopted you. Now say goodbye, you missed your Spanish lesson...

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.