Now Jokes

Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?

Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.

Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?

Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!

Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.

Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?

Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......

My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D

Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"

Wanking.

Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!

#HOMIEZ4Life

P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)

Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!

Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.

My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜

How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

There was once a genie with a 10 foot weenie, and he showed it to the neighbors next door.

They thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake. Now it's only 6.4ft.

Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?

A: Do you eat food?

B: Yes...

A: You can sit on deez nuts then!

B: Omg I have depression now.

I made this one up myself just now.

Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.

This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.

Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?

Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

You're an apple. Now suck my dick!

Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?

Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.

Student: Ok!!

Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?

Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.

Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.

Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.

One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?

Ground Beef.

Me: Ok so let's get this straight....

Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.

Me: But I didn't do anything?

Cop: No.

Me: So why are you arresting me then?

Cop: Imma tell you a story.

Me: Oh no.......

Cop: I know, now come on.

Me: Ok where?

Cop: My room.

Me: Which room?

Cop: My bedroom.

Me: 😱I'm a girl.

Cop: So am I, now get in.

Me: But I'm 9.

Cop: I'm 59.

POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.

Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.