Now Jokes

Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids

jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed jill's thigh and said you know you wanna. Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, But stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

What does B.I.B.L.E. Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence Does it cycle now?

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. -- I now have $999,999.75.

i got a lot running through my head right now i wish at least one was a 12 gauge round

What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive topic.

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said "Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

Alex: Dad can we get me a little brother from the orphanage? dad: Sure Alex! dad: Were here! orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now! Alex: Dad what is she talking about?!

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be 2 of them but now it’s a sensitive subject.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. They boy turns to the man and says, “Hey mister its getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?” So the man says: “How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin ⚰️ and whispered. "Whose late now ?"

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds" I shot her now we wait

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole it's called a brojob but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole it's still called a brojob does it cycle now?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son

THIS IS A RYTHME

jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana

jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said u know u wanna

jill said yes as he grabbed her dress

and they had a little fun

jill forgot her pills so now they have a son

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?" Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now." Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff." Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."