Not jokes

Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

I'm not racist, I have a colored TV.

An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.

In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.

The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

Dad: What did you learn in school today?

Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.