Not jokes

9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.

My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.

What do you call a German man who can't see?

A not see.

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.

In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.

The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

What part of a computer system does an orphan not have?

A motherboard.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!