Not jokes
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.
"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.
She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"
What always roars, but cannot talk? What always moves, but cannot walk?
A waterfall.
Hi, I did not get your walk.
Memes
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
A guy in a Costco was pretty pissed off at something. A guy walks up to him and says, "What's wrong, pal? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned aisle!"
Knock knock? Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Not kangawho, kangaroo!
Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"
Have you heard the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Great saying.
Not so great way to find out you are adopted.
I love not much.
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
When do you go at stop and stop when done?
I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.
I told you ten puns to make you laugh, and I do not pun in-ten-did.
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
You: Did you get the new snoo subscription?
Other: What's snoo?
You: Not much, how 'bout you?
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans. They knocked down two towers, not three.
My hairline may be straight, but I’m not.