Not jokes
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
An Emo kid in a tree falls. At the same time an apple falls from the same tree, what hits the ground first? The apple would be due to the kid's rope and noose.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead because of you.
Actually, not because of you... because of your face.
Not funny joke.
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.
Rules of dark humor.
1. Everything shall be touched.
2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."
I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.
What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
What does an iPhone have that orphans do not?
Home buttons.
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)