Not jokes
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
Roses are red, violets are blue, most of your jokes are stolen, is not original to you.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
Dark humor is like food:
Not everyone gets it.
Or a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
That is not a joke hahahahhaha.
If I told you Jeremy Palacios was not GAY!
I'd be a liar.
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"
And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."
And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"
And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.