Not jokes
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
What time do you think dogs are not happy?
Bulldogs.
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
Memes
Why did the strawberry š go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
Sans: What is Todoroki's favorite coffee creamer?
Half n' Half hehe.
Papyrus: Sans! He's not even part of our fandom!!!
Sans: Bro don't get so HOT headed about it. Just CHILL.
Sorry not sorry -sans
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
Why can orphans not play bingo?
Because they can't get a full house.
I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.
You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.
Why do people eat cereal for breakfast?
Because why not.
Are you my homework because Iām supposed to be doing you right now, but Iām not.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
Why do the police never catch the orphan?
The orphan is not wanted.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!
Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.
Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?
A: Delici-Oso
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.