Not jokes
When the feminists find out that it's humanity, not huwomanity.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?
Not much difference.
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
What's Hitler's favorite letter? Not Z.
What’s Hitler’s favorite letter?
Not Z.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.
I want your weight, not your phone number.
Why did the T-Rex not clap when you won a prize?
Because it's dead.