Not jokes
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking pass? Because he couldn't pass "I'm not a robot" test.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not.
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Stephen Hawking's not dead, he is just in airplane mode.
9/11 jokes are that deadly not even the towers could hold themselves up.
I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.
Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.
Why did the toilet paper not make it across the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack.