Not jokes

If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

Not like they can tell their parents.

What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?

Criminals are wanted.

Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?

Daddy never came back with the milk.

Why can't orphans ever be criminals?

He is not wanted.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Kid: Not your parents.

Isn't a gaming console something people use to not be alone?

THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE 50% OF THE GAMES OFFLINE?!??!?!

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

I'm so glad I am not gay. It seems like a pain in the ass.

LOL.

Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?

Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.

This is not really a joke, but it's a question.

If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

Why would the chicken not cross the road?

Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.