Not jokes
Pro lifers: End abortion!!!
Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
Why can orphans not play bingo?
Because they can't get a full house.
My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.
If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.
Yo mama's teeth so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter!
The towers collapsed on 9/10, not 9/11.
What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?
"Billie Jean is not my lover!"
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"