Not jokes

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

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    • What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

    A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

    If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.

    Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.

    Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

    "13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

    "Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

    "You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

    Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"

    What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)

    It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.

    I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

    She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

    Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.

    Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?

    I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.