Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."
none
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb
None they just beat the room for it being black
Deeeeeertt.
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
My eggs are just like my dad... nonegg-istent.
Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."
So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"
And then she died.
Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.
Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.
I weeee is?
What's the difference between my imaginary friend and God?
None.
They're both imaginary.
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
W ffseetyhggghjoi.
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
I'm sorry, none of my jokes are very punny.
You're so fat that you have to live on Pluto so you don't destroy any of the planets.
Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"
Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"
