When i was 11 My mom came home from the bar super drunk that night and I just wanted to know if they knew where was the cat because I heard a noise.................we had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet your teacher says no. But when someone else asks the teacher says yes to them.
There were two twins and they were both very tall. The next thing they know they were on the floor and there were planes up their asses
So a mom went to her kid and said "If you pray to god, he will give you your sight back" so he did exactly that The next morning the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kids room and asked "whats wrong" the kid replied it didn't work" The mom said "April Fools"
my mum said not to walk the streets cause i wont find home the next day i was an orphan
What should my next yt vid b abt?
Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?
Mom:Dont forget to unload the dishwasher
Mom:did you finish ur homework?
Mom:We are going to ur grandmothers house for thanksgiving
Mom:Dad and i talked we are getting a new car next month
Son:u are?? oh my gosh thank you
Mom:No i was just making sure you were getting my texts
Son:that was cruel
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline, maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem
Roses are red violets are blue don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew
I wanted to put this up so i could say goodbye to everyone that i chatted with, like gwen or MEG... so yea see you next year after friday.
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are "Your not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "Your right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
Why don't people sit next to the cheatah during a test Because he's a cheatah
Person A:Hey,what's the next subject? Person B:Let me check. Person B:It's greenglish!
wow he stole my antideprresive toy. the next day he was on the ground
Dad: Ill pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie Next day: Dad: son what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen? Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life gosh dad your embarrassing. The dad sulked for 3 whole years Proof that words really can hurt
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why is 19 afraid?
Because if you add 400 to it it’ll be next to 420.
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter and she asked which one was my kid and I said I haven't decided yet
