Next Jokes

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What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with there dicks out?

The Twin Towers

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling. He never came back the next day, says the local news.

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!”, so I started doing the same to them at funerals.

allright class the person who answers my next queston gets to go home, then a guy throse a pencel the techer asks who throue that pensol I DID I GET TO GO HOME

why do terrorists like the twin towers its the next thing they blow up

What's white but not black, and red all over?

J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

i went took out he trash could not find you so i went back in the next they i found you

gramma:when we go to a wedding whispers ur next

at a funeral iwhisper ur next

Why did the rapper become a weatherman?

To predict the HEAT of his next single

A profession golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?" "Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive." "Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"

one night a father heard his daugter saying good night good night mom god night dad good night mamah good by papa the next day her papa died he heard her saying them a month later good night mom god night dad good by mamah the next day her mamah died well her dad was scared for his life he knew he was next well his daugter said them again good night mom good by dad the next day the mail man droped dead on their porch.

3 drunk guys entered a taxi

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back? Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked. “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?” He replied, “Yes I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.

EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WebMD: Cancer.

I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner The joke is I new right after she said I'll call you She was lying to me, not surprised even a little The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call , but did I really think she was going to, I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place, I think it was just to prove I was right , I'm unwanted LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS

So you get a new job, and here something about this guy named mike, The next day you go into the office and mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and Rainbows and stuff, then, a co-worker comes up and says "No one told you mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*".

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment...

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole...it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"

The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings to words. "Sally, can you tell me what beautiful means?" Sally: "You.." Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what malicious means?" Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus." Teacher: "Great job Andrew! Now, what does fat mean? Johnny?" Johnny: "A pig." Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini-" Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me."