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Next Jokes

My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Jeffy- Daddy Daddy a monster said it’s gonna poop in your hat

Marvin-I don’t believe that

Jeffy- but he said “Jeffy I’m gonna poop in your Daddy’s hat”

The next morning

Jeffy- Daddy a monster pooped in your hat

*Marvin/Mario looks in his hat*

Marvin- Jeffy I don’t believe you you popped in my hat

were gonna have to kill

no good jack and jill

they’re draining the economy doooown!

they’ve spent our budget on weed

and lube to spill jack’s seed

they’ve ruined our wonderful town!

were gonna have to kill

nno good jack and jill

they have no moralityyyy

they’re spreading degeneracy

we aint what we used to be

we’ve got to kill ol no good jack and jill!

jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water

but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana

they went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers

next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years

we’re gonna have to kill

nno good jack and jill!

they’ve banked off buying boooze!

they’ll drink and sell the price

at the original times thrice

corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.

we’re gonna have to kill

nno good jack and jill

their kids’re in the business tooo!

they’re draining all our banks

give em well deserved spanks

we’ve got to kill ol no good jack and jill

jack and jill netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaaake

what a blunder, there was no rubber, now

they’re a house of eeiiight

a bolt went off, they opened shop

to resell their porn and lean

it all went swell, but for us, well

we’re now an oligarchy!

WE’LL KILL OL JACK AND JILL!

There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.

First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"

Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"

And throws the White man off of the building.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"

Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."

The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."

The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"