Next jokes
One day I was walking next to a home less man and he was eating grass I asked him if he was hungry he said yes I said follow me you should of seen his face when I showed him my back yard đđđđ
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
A black cat will be racist next.
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.
I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
Jeffy: "Daddy, Daddy, a monster said itâs gonna poop in your hat!"
Marvin: "I donât believe that."
Jeffy: "But he said, 'Jeffy, Iâm gonna poop in your Daddyâs hat!'"
The next morning,
Jeffy: "Daddy, a monster pooped in your hat!"
*Marvin/Mario looks in his hat*
Marvin: "Jeffy, I donât believe you, you pooped in my hat!"
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Theyâre draining the economy doooown!
Theyâve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jackâs seed.
Theyâve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
Theyâre spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
Weâve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a âfewâ more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
Weâre gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
Theyâve banked off buying boooze!
Theyâll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folkâll loseee.
Weâre gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kidsâre in the business tooo!
Theyâre draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
Weâve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now theyâre a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, weâre now an oligarchy!
WEâLL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.
First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"
Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"
And throws the White man off of the building.
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Yo mama so fat when she sits down, she sits next to everyone!
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: âNo, Petie, you donât have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.â