News jokes
Why did Gwen go to the store? To have a new.
They said that new Juice WRLD album was shakin' good....
Did you hear Stephen Hawking has a new book out?
It's about time!
New.
How did the hamburger know he needed new pants?
His buns were too tight.
Memes
hmmm
Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?
It had nine shots and seven chasers!
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.
What NFL teams parts with James Charles!?
Green Bay Packers & New England Patriots
I love you, my new phone! 📲
Why was 6 afraid of 9?
Because 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!
Trump got a new jet.
He's probably already licked the windows.
I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.
If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.
I will give the person credit each joke I do.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
What did I say to my friend? "Job, your new name is Jojo Siwa."
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
What did I say to my friend, "Job, your new name is Jojo Siva?"
Your mama is so skinny that when she went to go outside, the slightest breeze flew her all the way to New Mexico.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)