News jokes
What do you call J Cow's new hit? Deja Moo!
I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...
I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.
In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Memes
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."
Why can't New York City play chess?
Because they lost 2 towers!
Did you hear Stephen Hawking has a new book out?
It's about time!
Why did Gwen go to the store? To have a new.
I bought a new camera once. Every shot I took was killer!
What NFL teams parts with James Charles!?
Green Bay Packers & New England Patriots
New.
I love you, my new phone! 📲
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.
They said that new Juice WRLD album was shakin' good....
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?
It had nine shots and seven chasers!
Why was 6 afraid of 9?
Because 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!