A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com
Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she a MILF. My mom said to me what is a MILF so I said Mother I'd Like TO F-ck. So my mom started to laugh and said well you do new a new step dad.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
today I invented a new word plagiarism
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down? Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Salmon Rushdie got a new book out. It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
yo'mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: 'Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?'
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
So my friends birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
i hate my birthday for my first birthday my mom gave me my life i liked it when it was new and fun now its broken and sad and i wanna take it back
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest it’s got its ups and downs
why did the chicken go to the mall -to get new feathers
I told my mum that a few guys tell me that your a MILF. My mom said what that I reply Mom I'd Like To Fuck. My mum started out to laugh then she told well new do need a new step dad.
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
Did you hear about the Boston marathon cause well I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away
Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu you get what you deserve!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar... "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"
Dad: Hey have you seen that new movie constipation? Son: No Dad: It hasn't come out yet
