News jokes

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?

Neither has he.

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?

Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.