Newness jokes

Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.

I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.

None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.

My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?

Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."