Newness jokes

Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.

When your plane heads for New York...

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We're all empty on the inside.

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

How do you scare a lot of people in New York?

Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

Why does new pavement smell like butt?

In other words you can also call it asphalt.

Ass-phalt.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.