Newness jokes
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
The president of a company comes in to talk to his employees. He says, "As you know, sales have been way down and many of you are not meeting your quotas. We decided to SHAKE things up a bit and introduce you to our new Vice President: Michael J. Fox."
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
Heard about the new event in Africa? Called the Hunger Games.
What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Hi, I'm new to this website, please follow.
They said that new Juice WRLD album was shakin' good....
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
I have a new joke.
My life. Wait... jokes are supposed to have meaning.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄