Newness jokes

People

    • Okay, is this the new thing, saying "Gwen" in your "joke," then people will comment and you can make more friends? If so, then I really need to be saying "Gwen" more in my "jokes or chats."

    Newness memes

    Fart

    • But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

    After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

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    • Guy

    • How it be when the new guy takes too long...

    Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

    Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

    Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

    Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

    Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

    Orphan

    • I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

    He said, "What do you want?"

    I said, "To be your new father."

    "Really??!" the orphan said.

    Me: Lol, no.

    Orphan *Jumps into street*

    Advice

    • Hi guys, I'm going to be out for 3 days. Also, quote for the day and advice.

    Quote. (Made by me) Don't look back at tomorrow; just look forward today. There are new thoughts, strength, and ideas.

    Advice. Sometimes ppl have opinions, and those opinions are probably what you don't like, but don't bring negativity on them just because of what they're saying. If you chose, you probably say, "I don't understand that statement, but it does sound good." This is not a drama site; it's a joking site.

    P.S. No hating in these comments.

    Suicide

    • It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

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    • Man

    • A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

    The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

    The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

    The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

    The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

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    • Pimp

    • Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?

    He always gets a great turnout.

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