Worst Jokes Ever
Hey Siri, skip to Friday!
Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
When the feminists find out that it's humanity, not huwomanity.
What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?
A-cheat shells.
What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.
What do you call a fat Indian sat on the floor?
A meatball/malteser.
I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.
Sans: What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler!
Sans: ha ha ha ha!!
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure."
It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.
What is the Twin Towers' least favorite song? "I'm Still Standing."
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.