Worst Jokes Ever

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

Bananana!

Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

Why can't you starve in the desert?

Because of all the sand which is there.

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.

Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?

He was snowed in.

Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.

3.14% of sailors are pirates.

Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.