Worst Jokes Ever
I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
Knock knock.
A joke.
U.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
Why did Ross fall off the swing?
Because he had no arms.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
A man takes a boy into the woods.
Boy says:
"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."
The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"
No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.
There's no one.