Worst Jokes Ever
Why was the egg runny?
Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
- Sure.
Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]
Your momma!
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
A blind person walks into a bar.
Because they can’t see where they are going.
Why is the homeless homeless?
Because it's homeless.
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable in a wheelchair?
You can always bully an orphan. Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
There were three boys on the top of a slide.
The first one went down yelling "gold!" and landed in a pot of gold. The second boy went down and shouted "pillows!" and landed in a heap of pillows. The final boy went down and shouted "weeeeeeeee!"
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
My chance of finding love.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.