Worst Jokes Ever

How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?

He won the F1 Wheelchair race.

I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.

This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.

1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.

2: I'm dying, finally.

3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.

On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/

Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.

If at first you don't succeed,

Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.

I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"

My great grandfather died in 9/11.

He was an amazing pilot.

What did Steven Hawking say?

Nothing.

If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.

You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.

Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.

I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.

You're gay, except it...

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

What's fast and almost got away?

A Mexican jumping the border.

What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?

...A girl scout that got hit by a car.