Worst Jokes Ever
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?
They're my friends.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
What did A say to Y?
"You cannot be alpha like me." :)
Y said, "Why? (Y)"
What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.
Q: What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? A: A tromBONE.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
The earth is not round.
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Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
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What do you call a black hole?
Butt hole.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.