Worst Jokes Ever
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
Suck my dick!
(Ron Jeremy)
I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"
Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."
What did the fish say to the other fish? "You have a big butt!"
The other fish said, "We don't have butts......"
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
Knock knock.
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.