Worst Jokes Ever

If hi = hi?

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.

What did the icicle say to the snow?

"Why do you have to be so soft?"

The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

I was reading a book about anti-gravity, I couldn't put it down!

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

What did the whale say?

Nothing!

It just wailed.

"I created the Human Torch."

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.

He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."

There's only one gender. Women are property.

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

Q: What's yellow and can't swim?

A: A school bus full of children.

mnvsdvmsdnva.

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."