Worst Jokes Ever
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Why did the chicken cross the road? To help Stephen Hawking cross!
Have you heard about the new movie with Stephen Hawking as the star? It's called "Unplugged."
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
What did the dad say to the kid?
"U got to be kidding me."
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Who deleted my stuff??? Woooow, you racist just because I'm Hispanic?
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.