Worst Jokes Ever

On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.

What do you call a 100-year-old frog?

An old croak!

Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Answer: Because they taste funny!

GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:

While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)

Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.