Worst Jokes Ever

Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.

There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.

The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"

What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?

Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.

Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!

Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!

Will: Yey!

Beverly: What should we bring him?

Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

Haha, yeet my fuckin' meat!

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing. They just waved.

Did you sea what I did there?

I hit my friend.

He's dead now.

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

My father left me at a young age.

He was only five.

Chihuahua?

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.

I saw a bear eating a duck.

It was unBEARable.

I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.

what do you call a baby in an oven?

my next meal.

Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.

H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?

W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

*Later that day*

W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?

H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.