Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!
I started a band called 1023 megabytes. We still haven't gotten a gig.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
What do you call an empty police station?
Banana Chicken.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Why are we here?
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"