Worst Jokes Ever
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
Suck my dick!
(Ron Jeremy)
I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"
Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."
What did the fish say to the other fish? "You have a big butt!"
The other fish said, "We don't have butts......"
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
Knock knock.
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”