Worst Jokes Ever
Trump.
Get it because Trump is a joke hahaha, I am sooo bad!
Nevermind, it's retarded.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
A baby seal walks into a club...
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there?
Not Susie.
Spell IHOP, now say 'ness' at the end... 😂 ...I ate your penis!
I work at a tire shop.
I'm pretty tired.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?
"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"
What is a cow's favorite dance move?
The milkshake.
Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.
Except my depression.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.
He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.