Worst Jokes Ever
I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.
I once did an exam on rainbows. I passed with flying colors.
A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.
Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
None of these are even funny. Just stupid.
Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"
Why did the roach talk to the man? To die.
When my girlfriend broke up with me, I took her wheelchair. I always knew she would come crawling back.
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Natyourcheese.
Natyourcheese who?
Natyourcheese, I wasn't gonna say bless you!
Couy.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I did not say banana? Ha ha!
What goes "Ooooooo"?
A cow with no lips.
I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.
The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
A: You're the chairman of the board!
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".