Worst Jokes Ever

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.

All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."

What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Carlost.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Fuck. Fuck who? What, are you kidding me? I just wanted to tell you a joke!

If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.