Worst Jokes Ever

Roses are red.

Grass is green.

I think of you sucking my peen.

"I was lost in the woods yesterday."

"I was in some sticky situation..."

At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.

What do cows like to watch? Moovies.

What do you call a cow on steroids? A bull-y.

What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Car-los

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

"Out of the way, I need to Caterpie."

Reeeeeeeeeeee!

Why do lions always lose at poker?

Because they always play against cheetahs.

Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?

Well, I just can't seem to put it down.

Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?

Because they are Sith-ters.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!

The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.

I have ligma.

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

Suc my dic

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.