Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
Wanna know why Stephen Hawking died?
He lost his Wi-Fi connection.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."
The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
Timmy has 5 apples.
His train is 7 minutes early.
Calculate the mass of the sun.
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
I used to hate facial hair,
but then it grew on me.
Despacito.
What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His shoulder.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?