Worst Jokes Ever
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Why are we here?
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?
Carlos.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
I watched a movie about bones. It was spine-tingling!
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
What does a baby banana call her mum? Na na, get it? Instead of ma ma.
Spell "IOUT", no space.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
/setblock minecraft_morbid_joke
/playsound pained_laugh
I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.
Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."