Worst Jokes Ever
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."
JK.
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
Ahhhhhhhhhh, ma bored.
What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
Age is just a number.
Police are just people.
Jail is just a room.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
Me: "I like kids."
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Everything.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.