Worst Jokes Ever

No, "quarter quarter."

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"

Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"

Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)

So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"

Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.

I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."

How do blondes play real-life Jenga?

By stacking humans.

Read the next line.

Read the previous line.

Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???

Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?

Idiot 2: I don't know why.

Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.

Ines.

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

I finally got my wife to shut up.

Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!

Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?

Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.

How do you spot an English man in Quebec?

A square head.

When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.