Worst Jokes Ever

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.

How does a cow do math?

With a cow-culator!

Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.

What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Velcro.

You know what’s impossible?

Steven Walking.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"

What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.

We are anonymous because none of us are as cruel as all of us.

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

...... fuck the turtles...... THE END

Why is the iPhone X the perfect phone for an orphan?

Because there is no home button.

I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.

My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!

Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.

An apple walked into the clinic.

The doctor asked what his favorite color was.

The apple said "red." :)