Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a pineapple in a pun?

A Puneapple.

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

What's both red, white and sometimes purple?

My arms...

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

What's white and bloody?

Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.

If Italy attacked France from the rear, would Greece help?

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)

Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.

H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:

My penis is tied in a knot.

Why was Timmy sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.

What do you call a pig with two legs? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

What do you call a cow without any legs?

Ground beef!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

Where do you go to get the best fish?

A restaurant on the Titanic.

What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?

A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."