Worst Jokes Ever
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
9/11 happened... right?
The cops respond to 9-1-1... coincidence, I think not.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."
There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?
There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
What color is a burp?
Burple!
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"
You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.
What's both red, white and sometimes purple?
My arms...
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.