Worst Jokes Ever

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?

Madeline McCann's bike.

What's so wrong about Trump being in office?

He steals all the cats.

How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.

My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.

Bird on the beach: seagull.

Bird by the bay: bagel.

Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.

The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

There is no joke.

I can't see the bee.

It's by the beehive.

What do you call a creepy IT teacher?

A PDF file.

What do you call a cup with a handle?

A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(

Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.

One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

hg is cool.

Dear uncle, I want my condoms.

What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?

One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.