What is Hitler's favorite game?
Nahtzee.
A guy saw a person with a duck and said, "Where did you get a pig?"
The owner replied, "It's not a pig, dummy!"
The random guy said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck."
Gan cube prices?
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
If only Karen Carpenter had eaten Mama Cass's sandwich...
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
What do u call a person with no arms
Armless
You
You
You're the cow.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
American says: "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..."
Sardar ji says: "Accha, India me to shaadi.....Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"
"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"
"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx
